Ugh...

So, today was an average boring day.
and I've done nothing for the past few days.
and well, the thing I'm looking forward to the most is...

A WEEK AT A BEACH HOUSE!!!

Wooo. Outer Banks in North Carolina. I'm so excited.
My friend invited me and my mom said I could go.
But I'm going to miss my school's open house.
IDK, open house isn't a requirement but I'd like to see my teachers.

UGHH. whatever. I'd take the beach over school anyday.
so YAY!
haha. Thank God for the opportunity.

Isaiah 6:8

Well, I've decided. I'm going to do something with my life.
No more sitting around being lazy, no more Facebooking ALL day.
I'm going to help out my community through volunteer work, and actually work for college.
I know that my parents won't be able to provide the money for tuition fees for college.
I've been taking High School for granted.
maybe it's too late, but I'm going to try.
I need scholarships/grants.
l might have to loan as well...
Volunteer work seems like a good choice for scholarships.
Grades and courses are going to be better as well.
I'll see the work and study in a new light. The light that I've turned off since Kindergarten.
I'll work hard, and make my parents proud.
that's my wish. to make my parents proud.
My parents always say, "We just want you to do your best."
But, I know they want me to do better, they KNOW that I can do better.
But I've been ignoring that for far too many years.
"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
and I said, "Here am I Lord, send me!"
Isaiah 6:8


I want to be sent. No.
I NEED to be sent.

Boring Day.

WOW.
So today, was so average.
I just wanted to do something,ANYTHING.
I was so bored,
This was my day.
-------> CLICK ME <-------

UNTIL, one of the church members asked me to babysit one of their kids.
So then, I was sort of amused, but also really irritated.
The kids had fun hurting me, and stepping on me....
Then my most average day, was...a better than normal day.

My dad got mad at me waking up late again...
I need to prepare for school.
I'm trying to decide which career I want to go for...
I think I want to do Culinary Arts.
But I'm not sure.

Determination, is that enough?

So I'm determined.
I'm ready for a change.
I've decided to read the Bible.
I've decided to try my best to stop sinning.

But, is that enough?
Just because I'm determined doesn't mean these things will stop.
Just because I'm determined doesn't mean I can do this.

I need perseverance as well.
My nature of doing things, is usually taking the easy way out.

Example: Homework: I'll say I'm going to do it. Then I look at these math problems and say, "Wow, there are a LOT of problems. Then I'll think of people who are in my math class and decide to copy them."

It's easier, but not how it should be done.
You can't copy another person's work or you're just a fraud, a moocher, someone who isn't willing to take care of themselves.

The wide and paved road may have rewards along the way, but in the end it will just cause you pain.
The rocky, narrow road may have suffering and pain along the way, but the reward is the greatest of all.

I'm determined to walk on that narrow rocky road, but I've been walking on that wide and paved road. Can I find the path that leads to that narrow rocky road?
Is it hidden in the bushes? Is it plain in my sight?
Am I just refusing to take it?

Questions. Questions. Questions.
seem to be the only ting on my mind.

My favorite Bible verse is Isaiah 6:8.
It's just amazing how he says without hesitation.
"...Here am I Lord, send me."

Post-Retreat Status.

So, I'm once again, up at night like one thirty in the morning on the computer wasting time. This Father Heart was good, but I say that every year. This Father Heart was fun, but I say that every year.

I'm confused.
The reality of the world is blinding.
The reality hurts me.
Why is it that we try to explain the mysterious?
Why is it that we turn away from God when He has done so much for us?

Because we are men? Because we are human?

Why can't the world see how foolish it is to be corrupted, to have sinful desires?

Am I the same?

These questions keep popping up in my head.
I contemplate. I meditate. I think. I reflect.

God is perfect. He is the Holy One. He is the ONE and ONLY.
Am I worthy to be called a christian?
Do I have what it takes to be a servant to God?
Can I answer his calling like the prophet Isaiah?
Can I say "...Here am I Lord, send me." ??

I'm deaf. I'm blind. I'm mute. I'm undeserving.
I'm sinful. I'm wretched. I'm ashamed. I'm useless.

That's how I see myself.

God is the most awesome. He is the almighty.
He should be feared. He should be trusted.

His grace is more than enough.
His love is endless.
His mercy is great.

I am nothing compared to my God.
What am I but an ant to the sky.
What am I but a single drop of water to the ocean.

I want to be able to see.
I want to be able to hear.

I want to understand His word.

I am weak. yet You are strong.
Be my guidance.
Be the lamp to my feet.
Feed me Your word.
Allow me to drink from Your river.
Show me the way.
Help me. Hold my hand so I may not stumble.

I'm sort of ranting.
I feel so weird.
I feel different than before.
I contemplate my life more.
I try to find my resolve, but whenever I get close it escapes from me.
I need an answer. I'm desperate.
Bible...I need a new one.
For now my iTouch has one I can read, but it just doesn't feel the same.
Blessed be the Shepherd. Let us sheep obey...

Good Night.

Name Change.

So I decided that the blog's title was getting too hard for me to use in the title of every one of my posts. So I'm going to improvise everyone of my posts, which I do anyways. Haha.

Okay so, Today, was sort of disappointing, but not THAT disappointing. Anyways, today, my dog was supposed to get her "furcut" and she went to Petsmart's grooming center to get her fur shaved. So we dropped her off, and went home. Time flies by, and a phone call infroms us that Angel is ready to be picked up. Now my dad goes and picks her up and comes back. I ask Where is she, I was excited to see Angel's new fur, but then she comes back the same. I'm confused so I ask my dad, why isnt she shaved, and he's like, Angel wouldn't let the groomers shave her so they gave up. Haha, so I'm like how can such a small dog be that much trouble for the groomers nearly 10 times her size... I'm sitting there in amazement. Then I also found out that, we paid for her shave, but they didnt give us a refund or anything...If they couldn't do it, isn't it only right that they give us the money back? It's funny how people will cling to money. Money, I should think of an acronym for it. If only there was fool-proof way of getting rid of money without messing up our economic system. Meh, that will be impossible. One can dream. That's all that happened today. Today was an average boring day. Nothing EVER happens here.

Was watching the news, and this car was hit by two others i think? And people were helping to get the car open because a person was trapped inside. Times like this, when people band together to help one in need really makes me happy. The joy of seeing another person being saved. IDK if he/she was saved though. I hope so.

The acronym for MONEY will give me something to do haha.
I'll inform you guys when I have it.

If Only I Could Devote Myself...

Wow! It's August now, this Summer Break went by pretty quick. School is about to start again. I always get this excitement but also a dread of school starting again. I kind of want to go to school, but I also kind of don't want to go. Even though, I promised myself that I would work harder and get better grades so that I may actually have a chance to go to "good" college. I'm so worried about my future, I don't know where it's heading.

Well, I need to develop a habitual thirst or hunger for God's Word. I haven't read the Bible in a while, but I honestly want to get back into it, but I haven't gotten around to it. I feel like I'm avoiding God, I feel as if God's been wanting to talk to me, but I'm just ignoring him, and doing whatever I feel like. Whenever I pray, I feel as if God's not listening to my sinful self praying. God. The ultimate reason to live. I need him so much, but why am I avoiding it. I always feel good at retreats, but maybe I'm going to them for all the wrong reasons. I need to set my priorities straight. I'm desperate. I'm going to renew myself. Kill my oldself, then jumpstart myself back to a newer me. Get back into the Bible. And Joe's "Spiritual Steak" It sounds so appetizing. I crave it. I need it. I want to digest it.

I heard a really neat acronym for the word BIBLE.
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.