FINALLY!

So I finally have my provisional license.
hahahahaha, NOW I can DRIVE anywhere I want.
actually, where my parents want.
I so scared, but excited at the same time.
I be driving to school now. hehehe.

It sucks I can only have 1 passenger that's non-family in the car with me.
but, no one will know if I'm a good driver right?
hehe, I'm so bad. :D
justkidding.
I don't break laws, I'm not a delinquent.
anyways, this is amzuhzing.

The provisional is a piece of paper haha...
kind of...stupid. what if my wallet gets wet or something...
it should at least be like...laminated paper or something.
wait, then folding it and putting it in your wallet would be hard...
meh, whatever.
ANYWAYS,

I'M HAPPY!!!!!!

It's Been A While!

Alright! Well, I haven't been updating this blog of mine for some time.
It seems like It's been forever, when it's only been a few weeks.
The beachhouse was great. Weather kind of ruined it, but a week with friends. so that was fun.

School has been taking away my life. My classes aren't hard or anything, but I just don't like how each of my classes are an hour and thirty minutes.
It's ridiculous.
4 blocks a day, alternating.
X Days:
Strength and Body I
Spanish III
Algebra III w/ Trig
US/VA History

Y Days:
Chemistry
Finance
English 11
Imaging Technology

meh, school is suck. grammar fail intended.
I have friends in each of my classes, minus Algebra...
I hate algebra. I hate math. I hate numbers.

ehhh, it's kind of late.
my bedtime failed. I can't set my bedtime earlier...I can't change just like that.
I was going to join clubs, but I don't know where to sign up.
Strength and Body I killed my upper body today. I'm a weakling...
Lacrosse is on my mind, but I don't know if I can handle it.

SOME GOOD NEWS!!!!
I'm finally starting Behind The Wheel!
which means, I'm that much closer to getting my provisional license.
I can drive by myself soon.
I want to drive to school, the bus sucks.
our bus driver assigned seats because we were too loud, and disrespectful...
i swear our bus driver gets her cheerios peed in everyday...
I get the Hyundai Sonata as my car. I so excited.
Though I want a Honda Civic with built in navigation.
Im thinking of getting body paint for my hyundai. a bright yellow. :D

ughh, I'm getting tired.
I'm catching up on all the kdrama i missed.
currently watching "That Fool" I like it.
"He Who Can't Marry" made me laugh a lot.
which is sort of hard for any type of media to do.
people are the best sources of laughter. :D

meh, one episode of That Fool and I go nighty night.
I'll try to blog more.
don't blame me if I don't.
<3

Preparation H...S.

I don't know why, but High School is all I can think of lately.
so my blog posts have been somewhat related to high school lately....
hehe, my title ~
Preparation High School!

man, IDK, I'm kind of excited for High School to end. Then I get to go to college, that's if I get accepted to where I want....
BUT IDK!
I'm scared and excited at the same time....

I know what I want to major in, but I'm worried about tuition, boarding, food, transportation, etc etc.
I need a job. haha, i have to save up.
IDK, I applied to Taco Bell I think, because my dad faxed in my application, but no answer. ㅠ.ㅠ
it's unfair, I don't have a work history, because NO ONE HIRED ME!

volunteer work should help me get a job, or something.
I'm desperate...
I need money to provide for my needs.
I HATE money...
it corrupts everything...
meh.

Yay, my mom is going to discuss the beachhouse thing with my friend's mom.
I hope I get to go.
I want to be like super tan, not this like glowing yellow hue I have right now...
haha.

I need to practice for the SAT.
I took a practice test, and I haven't taken any previous studying, or tutoriing or practice or anything
and I got a 1650.
meh, it's not bad, but it's not good either....
aiming for at least 2000+

I need something to do.
I need to read books.
I need to be able to quote relevant information for essay part of SAT.
I suck at essays...

Timothy Brindle and Shai Linne have been mostly of what I've been listening to.
Joe has good taste in music.
hehe. <3

Excitement.

So, in a few days, or THIS SATURDAY, I might be able to go to the beachhouse for a week with my friend. I'm kind of excited, but I don't know if my parents will say yes...THey changed their mind ot I'm going to think about it. I'm pretty sure that's a no, but I can dream can't I?
EVEN STILL, even if I can't go, I'm still excited for school to start, but I'm probably going to regret that, after a few school weeks, but I'm determined to get the grades I need.

Man oh man, I feel different. Maybe it's just me.
haha.
I woke up at 12 PM today. I need to get in shape. I need to wake up at 5 AM...ugh, this sucks.
sleep is my drug. whatever, as long as it pays off in the end.

Better Is One Day!

Such A GREAT SONG!

I played this for my Sunday School kids, and they loved it, or at least I think they did...

ANYWAYS, It's just one of my favorite songs to play on the Geetarr~

It makes me get goosebumps because it sounds so nice.

haha, I'm so tired...
and I'm disappointed in myself with my practice SAT score...
It wasn't good, and it wasn't bad. Or at least I think so.
Sort of average.
BUT I DON'T WANT AVERAGE! I WANT EXCEPTIONAL! AWESOME! SUPER! FANTASTIC! GREAT! EXCELLENT! SPECTACULAR! STUPENDOUS!

meh, I guess I need to study. Need to find me an SAT book... :D

Ugh...

So, today was an average boring day.
and I've done nothing for the past few days.
and well, the thing I'm looking forward to the most is...

A WEEK AT A BEACH HOUSE!!!

Wooo. Outer Banks in North Carolina. I'm so excited.
My friend invited me and my mom said I could go.
But I'm going to miss my school's open house.
IDK, open house isn't a requirement but I'd like to see my teachers.

UGHH. whatever. I'd take the beach over school anyday.
so YAY!
haha. Thank God for the opportunity.

Isaiah 6:8

Well, I've decided. I'm going to do something with my life.
No more sitting around being lazy, no more Facebooking ALL day.
I'm going to help out my community through volunteer work, and actually work for college.
I know that my parents won't be able to provide the money for tuition fees for college.
I've been taking High School for granted.
maybe it's too late, but I'm going to try.
I need scholarships/grants.
l might have to loan as well...
Volunteer work seems like a good choice for scholarships.
Grades and courses are going to be better as well.
I'll see the work and study in a new light. The light that I've turned off since Kindergarten.
I'll work hard, and make my parents proud.
that's my wish. to make my parents proud.
My parents always say, "We just want you to do your best."
But, I know they want me to do better, they KNOW that I can do better.
But I've been ignoring that for far too many years.
"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
and I said, "Here am I Lord, send me!"
Isaiah 6:8


I want to be sent. No.
I NEED to be sent.

Boring Day.

WOW.
So today, was so average.
I just wanted to do something,ANYTHING.
I was so bored,
This was my day.
-------> CLICK ME <-------

UNTIL, one of the church members asked me to babysit one of their kids.
So then, I was sort of amused, but also really irritated.
The kids had fun hurting me, and stepping on me....
Then my most average day, was...a better than normal day.

My dad got mad at me waking up late again...
I need to prepare for school.
I'm trying to decide which career I want to go for...
I think I want to do Culinary Arts.
But I'm not sure.

Determination, is that enough?

So I'm determined.
I'm ready for a change.
I've decided to read the Bible.
I've decided to try my best to stop sinning.

But, is that enough?
Just because I'm determined doesn't mean these things will stop.
Just because I'm determined doesn't mean I can do this.

I need perseverance as well.
My nature of doing things, is usually taking the easy way out.

Example: Homework: I'll say I'm going to do it. Then I look at these math problems and say, "Wow, there are a LOT of problems. Then I'll think of people who are in my math class and decide to copy them."

It's easier, but not how it should be done.
You can't copy another person's work or you're just a fraud, a moocher, someone who isn't willing to take care of themselves.

The wide and paved road may have rewards along the way, but in the end it will just cause you pain.
The rocky, narrow road may have suffering and pain along the way, but the reward is the greatest of all.

I'm determined to walk on that narrow rocky road, but I've been walking on that wide and paved road. Can I find the path that leads to that narrow rocky road?
Is it hidden in the bushes? Is it plain in my sight?
Am I just refusing to take it?

Questions. Questions. Questions.
seem to be the only ting on my mind.

My favorite Bible verse is Isaiah 6:8.
It's just amazing how he says without hesitation.
"...Here am I Lord, send me."

Post-Retreat Status.

So, I'm once again, up at night like one thirty in the morning on the computer wasting time. This Father Heart was good, but I say that every year. This Father Heart was fun, but I say that every year.

I'm confused.
The reality of the world is blinding.
The reality hurts me.
Why is it that we try to explain the mysterious?
Why is it that we turn away from God when He has done so much for us?

Because we are men? Because we are human?

Why can't the world see how foolish it is to be corrupted, to have sinful desires?

Am I the same?

These questions keep popping up in my head.
I contemplate. I meditate. I think. I reflect.

God is perfect. He is the Holy One. He is the ONE and ONLY.
Am I worthy to be called a christian?
Do I have what it takes to be a servant to God?
Can I answer his calling like the prophet Isaiah?
Can I say "...Here am I Lord, send me." ??

I'm deaf. I'm blind. I'm mute. I'm undeserving.
I'm sinful. I'm wretched. I'm ashamed. I'm useless.

That's how I see myself.

God is the most awesome. He is the almighty.
He should be feared. He should be trusted.

His grace is more than enough.
His love is endless.
His mercy is great.

I am nothing compared to my God.
What am I but an ant to the sky.
What am I but a single drop of water to the ocean.

I want to be able to see.
I want to be able to hear.

I want to understand His word.

I am weak. yet You are strong.
Be my guidance.
Be the lamp to my feet.
Feed me Your word.
Allow me to drink from Your river.
Show me the way.
Help me. Hold my hand so I may not stumble.

I'm sort of ranting.
I feel so weird.
I feel different than before.
I contemplate my life more.
I try to find my resolve, but whenever I get close it escapes from me.
I need an answer. I'm desperate.
Bible...I need a new one.
For now my iTouch has one I can read, but it just doesn't feel the same.
Blessed be the Shepherd. Let us sheep obey...

Good Night.

Name Change.

So I decided that the blog's title was getting too hard for me to use in the title of every one of my posts. So I'm going to improvise everyone of my posts, which I do anyways. Haha.

Okay so, Today, was sort of disappointing, but not THAT disappointing. Anyways, today, my dog was supposed to get her "furcut" and she went to Petsmart's grooming center to get her fur shaved. So we dropped her off, and went home. Time flies by, and a phone call infroms us that Angel is ready to be picked up. Now my dad goes and picks her up and comes back. I ask Where is she, I was excited to see Angel's new fur, but then she comes back the same. I'm confused so I ask my dad, why isnt she shaved, and he's like, Angel wouldn't let the groomers shave her so they gave up. Haha, so I'm like how can such a small dog be that much trouble for the groomers nearly 10 times her size... I'm sitting there in amazement. Then I also found out that, we paid for her shave, but they didnt give us a refund or anything...If they couldn't do it, isn't it only right that they give us the money back? It's funny how people will cling to money. Money, I should think of an acronym for it. If only there was fool-proof way of getting rid of money without messing up our economic system. Meh, that will be impossible. One can dream. That's all that happened today. Today was an average boring day. Nothing EVER happens here.

Was watching the news, and this car was hit by two others i think? And people were helping to get the car open because a person was trapped inside. Times like this, when people band together to help one in need really makes me happy. The joy of seeing another person being saved. IDK if he/she was saved though. I hope so.

The acronym for MONEY will give me something to do haha.
I'll inform you guys when I have it.

If Only I Could Devote Myself...

Wow! It's August now, this Summer Break went by pretty quick. School is about to start again. I always get this excitement but also a dread of school starting again. I kind of want to go to school, but I also kind of don't want to go. Even though, I promised myself that I would work harder and get better grades so that I may actually have a chance to go to "good" college. I'm so worried about my future, I don't know where it's heading.

Well, I need to develop a habitual thirst or hunger for God's Word. I haven't read the Bible in a while, but I honestly want to get back into it, but I haven't gotten around to it. I feel like I'm avoiding God, I feel as if God's been wanting to talk to me, but I'm just ignoring him, and doing whatever I feel like. Whenever I pray, I feel as if God's not listening to my sinful self praying. God. The ultimate reason to live. I need him so much, but why am I avoiding it. I always feel good at retreats, but maybe I'm going to them for all the wrong reasons. I need to set my priorities straight. I'm desperate. I'm going to renew myself. Kill my oldself, then jumpstart myself back to a newer me. Get back into the Bible. And Joe's "Spiritual Steak" It sounds so appetizing. I crave it. I need it. I want to digest it.

I heard a really neat acronym for the word BIBLE.
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

If Only I Took Behind The Wheel During School...

Behind The Wheel, the dumb, unnecessary, stupid, nerve-racking, Virginian, ignorant, ugly, boring, required program that enables me to get my license. Behind The Wheel is the only thing left that I must do in order to obtain my license, other than wait until September. I've already driven 30 hours in the day, and 15 hours after the sun had set. All I need now is 7 hours observing, and 7 hours driving of the stupid Behind The Wheel. And to enroll in this program, you have to pay a hefty amount of $250!!!!!! That is ridiculous! I don't want to burden my family with this sum, because they are paying for my FH trip as well, which is another $160... I hate money for what it does to the best of us. The world cannot survive without money. *sigh* For the bible says in Timothy 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. Businesses these days are corrupt and only devote themselves to the gain of even more money. Unless it's for a good cause. Such as Father Heart.

Ughhh. Even though I am excited to get a laminated plastic with my details on it, I already hate driving. No lie. I understand why my parents and people I know hate to go out to drive and especially for long distances. It's hard to explain, but I understand their reasoning.

I realized that when I get my license, sometime in the future, which car will I take to go wherever I need/want? My dad and mom are constantly on the move going places, but if I take the sedan or van, whatever will my parents do? haha. So I'm thinking about saving money for a used car, but I'm also worried about how I'm going to save for it. *sigh* Nothing is as easy as it sounds.

I've realized something that doesn't really relate to this at all.
The future never comes to us. We never experience the future, because once the "future" is upon us, it is the present. it is now. and that means the future is now and now and now and now...The future is the present before the present if that makes sense?

haha, a little philosophy here and there. Something that I just noticed.
Whatever will I do with my life. haha.


Life is the most confusing puzzle.
Life is the largest labrynth maze.
Life is a tunnel with many different paths.
Life is a rubiks cube of infinite dimensions.
Life can be solved through Jesus.
The solution is God.

a freeverse poem? possibly?

If Only I Started Lacrosse Earlier...

I didn't blog the last few days because I was busy I guess. haha. Well, now I need to redeem myself for those mishaps. So, I recently took up an interest into Lacrosse. Lacrosse is such a great sport. I fell in love with it as soon as I saw it in play. Intense action, skillful players, and best of all, it has great sexual references. lol. Not that it's the only reason I want to play. hahah. You know because lacrosse is played with a stick and balls. I'm so bad. -_-||l

So now that I'm a rising Junior, I have 2 years left of high school. I want to take up lacrosse. I already know the basic skills and handling tricks so I just need to improve them and learn to shoot etc. etc.
I feel like I won't have enough time to be a good player in lacrosse, but I want to anyway. I was passing and throwing the other day with my friends, but whenever they passed to me I sucked. haha. I need to practice. So today I'm going to buy a lacrosse stick and practice everyday! Nothing will stop me, except if God wills me to of course. I still haven't gotten around to get a job. *sigh*

I hope that this year and the next will be favorable towards me. I ask God to be the lamp to my feet, to pick me up whenever I fall, and to hold my hand and walk with me. I need more determination and devotion to school too. Can't forget that. Ughh. Life = Tough.

On a sidenote I am reading the third in the Eragon Cycle, Brisingr. The Eragon cycle is fun and enjoyable for me. I love them.
I've recently fell in love with Sanctus Real and their song "Alone"
good band. iheartthem.

If Only I Had A Job...

UGHHHHHH! I need a job. I could really use the income for personal wants and needs. The only problem is, I get scared of working. Honestly, I get scared of being taught how to use the cash register for instance. What if I screw it up, what if I.... and so on. I would really like the money, but I can't bring myself to ask for a job at a hiring location. It makes me nervous on how they'll react to me if I ask for an interview or application. I need to get over this fear.

Being a pk, your parents can't really buy you most of the things you want. So, a job could give me money for myself and also help me start saving for college. Jobs do wonders, yet, they are hated. As I said in my last post,the last book I read was "Confessions of A Shopaholic" and well, in that book, the main character used money she didn't have to get what she wanted. She was in debt with the bank and she threw away the letters or hid them, and avoided contact with the bank, and her credit cards were all canceled because she never paid off her debts and ignored the calls. Okay, well I don't know where I was going with that, but I don't EVER want to be like that. I want to be able to live happily knowing I have enough money to buy things that I might frequently or occasionally want.

Hmmmm, okay, I've made up my mind to find a job, during this summer. Speaking of income and money and jobs, I still haven't gotten around to open a checking account. At Wachovia they have student checking accounts that help you save for college and also the checking account doesn't require you to have a minimum balance, and that's pretty amazing. haha, anyways. It doesn't matter where I work or whatever my work is, as long as I have a steady yet small income. haha. life is tough/hard/unfair/etc. etc. Personal wealth, here I come. puahaha. psyche.

If Only I Knew Where My Life Was Going...

Okay, so, I was cleaning my closet yesterday and well it just so happens that I found a book of all the classes in my school, electives and all. I'm flipping through it and then I start to wonder what am I going to do in the future? Sophomore year, ehhh, I pretty much did horribly, but now I have this determination to get good grades instead of bad ones. haha. Anyways, I'm now flipping through the book page by page reading all the courses and electives and I'm trying to plan it out. My Life Plan if you will. So Junior year, I'm taking, Algebra III w/ Trig, U.S. History, English 11, Spanish III, Chemistry, Strength & Body I, Finance, and Imaging Technology I think? I really don't know what I want to do in the future.Like, I honestly don't know what I'm going to be. I'm sort of wanting to be a Culinary Artist, but, they work for so long. Like 6 AM to 8 PM. And I don't know if I can do that... I like editting pictures and taking them, but I don't know if the pays good, and who offers jobs to this career class. I also like the idea of working in the hotel business, but I don't know if I have the qualifications. I'm so confused on what to do. High school prepares you for college obviously, and well, I don't know if I'm prepared enough. Ughhh, life is tough. I'm wanting to go to college and hoping I can. Speaking of college, SATs... I honestly don't know if I can get a good score on the SAT. I'm sort of confident in the vocabulary, but not so in the Mathematics department...
"I'm going to try my hardest and succeed" This is going to be my motto until I get into college, hopefully. Recently my parents have been increasing the 잔소리 and well, it pressures me a lot. I honestly want to make my parents proud to be MY parents and make them stop comparing me to others. Like whoever said in the testimonies at SBC, "whenever you (parents) compare us, that's what hurts us pks the most." My mom asked me yesterday when we saw these homeless men standing on the median of the road before a traffic light, with signs saying "NEED WORK, GOD BLESS." She said, "Do you want to be like them?" and I replied defiantly "NO!" Haha, then my mom started to complain about how they're just standing there when they could be working at mcdonalds or something.
I'm truly going to change my procrastinating ways and start doing something about my life. I don't want to be uneducated and living on the streets. No offense to the homeless. I feel sympathy towards them. I ask God for guidance almost everytime I pray. To help me see, to help me get through this life. I often like to use this analogy for Christianity. "Earth is like high school, and Heaven is like college. We all get taught and educated in God's ways on Earth. We all stay on Earth for however many years we need to get educated, be it 1 year or 969 years. Jesus is our teacher, mentor, counselor, principal, tutor, leader. But then at the end of our lives, We take the SAT. God is our proctor. our judge. Depending on your knowledge and application of God's ways and if you truthfully seeked to get into college through the teacher (Jesus). You get accepted into the most prestigious and honored college. Heaven.

P.S. I want to be more like Andy. He's a freaking genius. Feminine, but smart. haha. I honestly do. I'm even reading more books now. My most recent book I read was "Confessions of A Shopaholic."
haha. don't judge.

If Only K-dramas Weren't Addicting...

Yeah I know it's late, but it's fine. What papa don't know won't hurt him. Jeez, I'm so bad. haha?
Well, anyways, so recently I've been watching, er...RE-watching one of my favorite Korean dramas A.K.A. K-Dramas. "My Name Is Kim Sam Soon" and well it's addicting. I see all these commercials on KBS and MBC for k-dramas and well they all seem so intriguing!! Koreans are very good advertisers haha. Seeing all this got me thinking, what if God was advertised like this? What if God was advertised and this allowed for an addiction to God? I thought to myself, what a GREAT idea! But the "media world" would probably reject it and burn it and do all sorts of hell to it. The world today, PSH. Ehhh, I need to be intrigued and interested in God as much as I do in my addictions to K-Dramas and games and whatnot. I've realized I'll never achieve that goal if I don't do anything about it. (DUH?!) haha. I often ask God to help me in my prayers but God won't do it FOR ME, but he CAN guide me and help me when I'm stuck.

I need sleep. I shouldn't be up. Like Gloria said, I need to recharge my batteries. haha.
Good Night. 안녕히 주무세요~
ㅋㅋㅋ.

If Only I Had Started Earlier...

Well, this is my first real blog, and I hope to actually continue this and get somewhere with this and NOT quit updating and so on. I actually started a blog when I was about 10 I think on Xanga. I updated and updated everyday, until I realized, I don't have ANY friends. haha. So I discontinued it, unfortunately. So, I plan to continue this blog almost everyday. Each blog post starting with "If Only (insert topic here)." Here we go, post #1. 가자!!!!!